Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
