Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
