ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
