What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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