I skipped work to stalk him.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
