Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
