As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize