it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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