hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
