Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
sarcasm needs its own font
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
