lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
