I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
