she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
