it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
40s are totally the cure
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
