In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My ATM looks so different sober.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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