just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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