you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
