My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
