Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
