dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
