so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
