can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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