I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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