I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
