and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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