im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
