i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
