I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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