totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
