did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
