My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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