38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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