Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
