My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
