I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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