She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
