What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
