I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
