I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
