alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
