Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
