I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
