I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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