what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
