I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
