Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
