Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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