Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize