I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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