The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
