i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
