Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize