I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
