sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My vagina just recognized that song.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
