I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Someone shattered a urinal.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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