i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
