don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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