dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
