I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
