Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
porn star boner night. come get it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize