she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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