I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
