Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
