that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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