Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
