If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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