fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
