it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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