oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
