He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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