She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Fuck appropriateness.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
