You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize